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Gratefulness as a Sewing Blogger

November 4, 2018 By Bianca 2 Comments

Last year I was’t in a good place. The blog was growing. YouTube videos were coming out (relatively) frequently. Things were moving and shaking— and in the blogging world, momentum is everything.

Learn about the behind the scenes of Vintage on Tap sewing blog | Vintage on Tap

But in the middle of June, after creating some of my most popular content and working on amazing collaborations, it all fell apart.

Anxiety over job security, home/life balance, and life in general came over my head like a wave. Over the course of six months I gained nearly twenty pounds, retreated into a depressed state, and there would be weeks at a time when I wouldn’t leave my house in agoraphobia.

I dissolved from a vibrant excited person, to a girl who would cry during her lunch breaks. I’d binge eat at lunch, then proceed to starve myself the rest of the day.

Typing my sewing website url was painful. Launching the Instagram app to see the compounding effects of my absence made it worse. YouTube? Forget about it. Everything I had built as a sewing blogger was coming apart.

The comments from followers were upbeat and encouraging, but I couldn’t emotionally link the positive energy being sent, to the creativity and love that had sparked the blog in the first place. Everything was hard. Sewing became difficult. And I stopped.

Bianca, Vintage on Tap 2017

By the time December came about, I made a conscious decision to figure out how to pull the veil from over my head.

It wasn’t (ISN’T) easy, and every ounce of my being was fighting the decision. But slowly, day by day, I arrived at this post.

Making the effort to be mindful of my thoughts, my actions, and feelings ended up being my salvation. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve been able to follow that journey. And now, I wake up grateful and thankful for what I have, for what Jose and I have built together, and for the creativity that’s flourishing back into this blog and into my sewing.

More appreciative and full of gratitude as a sewing blogger than I was during my depression | Vintage on Tap

Through a lot of trial and error, I decided to spend time developing a meditation practice (shoutout to Andy Puddicombe and the Headspace App!), a morning routine, and a journaling and gratitude practice.

It felt “extra”- as if I was trying too hard, but I stuck with it, even if everything else was falling apart.

  • I meditated for 15 minutes a day, consistently for months
  • I read books focused on building self compassion, being patient with the creative process, and decluttering
  • I woke up at 5am (even on weekends) to give my mind time to breathe and establish a morning routine
  • I made it a point to journal, even if it was just one paragraph to describe what I was feeling
  • I made a list of 5 things every day that I was grateful for
  • I pulled a tarot card daily to have a positive perspective to look forward to

Of course, the above actions might not resonate with everyone, and everyone’s experience will vary. But for me, it helped. And still does. Please reach out to friends, family, and medical professionals if you are experiencing anything similar to what I went through. To be honest, I wish I would have reached out earlier in the middle of it. 

More appreciative and full of gratitude as a sewing blogger than I was during my depression | Vintage on Tap

Months and months later, I still start my journal entries with, “I’m grateful for…”

…And write at least two lines that range from, “The warm cup of coffee in my hands,” to “The nice comment someone sent me through email.” My meditation is now focused on Motivation, Self Esteem, and Mental Focus. Rather than continuing to isolate myself, I make an active attempt to share more of what I’m experiencing with friends, families, and followers. I make it a point to see a friend at least once a week to catch up. I’ve stopped beating myself up if a sewing blog post doesn’t go live.

I relied heavily on routine to help quiet my mind from chaos and a year latter I can confidently say that it’s what I needed to rediscover the path back to joy and happiness. Especially when it comes to Vintage on Tap and my sewing.

How meditation and gratitude helps with depression | Vintage on Tap

Without giving my mind time to breathe, this blog and the YouTube channel would have crashed and burned.

With a strong morning routine, quieting my anxiety through meditation, and finding a healthy work/life balance, I’ve been able to claw back towards a better mental state. And I feel strong enough to continue creating fun videos and projects to share, and have genuine conversations and connections with people who watch the channel.

Heck, without putting in the work, I wouldn’t be able to sit down to watch a classic movie with anticipation and excitement, to admire all the beautiful clothes and to be inspired to create.

I’m immensely grateful and thankful for those of you who continue to watch my sewing YouTube videos, who stuck around with me during my absence and through my mere TWELVE videos that have been released in 2018.

How meditation and gratitude helps with depression | Vintage on Tap Pinup Sewing Blog

I’m grateful to be a sewing blogger who has so much support behind her and the love of so many people around the world. It blows my mind that people take time out of their day to watch and sew with me. I’m thankful.

I’m excited for the new people who’ve discovered me in the past year. I’m ever indebted to the Patreon supporters who still continue to cheer for me.

An entire year of mental health battles has absolutely been a journey. But I’m thankful and grateful to how mindfulness has taught me to appreciate the building blocks that make my life. It’s also made me more aware to the support from friends, family, and followers who has been unshakable through the year.

Here’s to a great November, full of happiness, meditation, and sewing love!

Resources

✨Meditation with the Headspace App.

✨Developing a strong morning routine using the Miracle Morning book by Hal Elrod.

✨Daily journaling. My favorite journal is a gridded plain notebook from Muji.

✨Writing a list of five things I was grateful for daily

✨Pulling a tarot card every day to write about for perspective. My favorite deck for this was the Marshmallow Marseille.

‼️⚠️‼️ If you or someone you know is going through depression, please seek help from family, friends, and medical or spiritual professionals. What worked for me may not work for everyone! ‼️⚠️‼️

All the Places, All the Stuff!

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Filed Under: Self Esteem, Vlog Tagged With: mental health

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Neti says

    November 5, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    Great Post!! Looking forward to see what’s next. Enjoy every moment. . . .

    Reply
  2. designedbydanita says

    November 5, 2018 at 6:37 pm

    Thank you for sharing all the positive things that have helped you to endure a difficult time in your life! Compassion and gratitude make for a wonderful life! I am so proud of you! Take care, Bianca!

    Reply

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My name is Bianca and I’m a twenty-nine year old textile designer and seamstress, interested in vintage and traditional techniques. I dream in loud, flowery prints and aspire to create beautiful couture-level garments. I have 15 years sewing experience and studied at the Academy of Art University in San Francisco.

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After a long weekend of living in "Ideation Station" (as my good friend @michaeltristan calls it) I'm feeling solid about what I want to film, but also nervous because it's been *SO LONG.*⁠
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Jose and I have new ideas, fresh takes on fan favorites, and so much we want to experiment with (and film equipment to buy...) that it seems like an insurmountable mountain!⁠
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Anyone else still chewing on projects you want to Anyone else still chewing on projects you want to sew in 2021?⁠⠀
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With so many ideas rolling around in my brain, I'm living in indecision! So, in the meantime, photos of my last make of 2020 😜 (Yes, I promise the Christmas tree has been put away!)⁠⠀
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Picking the Portrait blouse was a clear win for me:⁠⠀
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🧵I'd sewn it before, 8 years ago (!)⁠⠀
🧵It would be a relatively simple sewing pattern to re-fit⁠⠀
🧵It was versatile enough to be made in a bunch of fabrics, once the pattern was RIGHT⁠⠀
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This particular blouse is made in silk charmeuse (in all it's tricky difficulties), has whip stitched seams throughout, and is the first garment I've made with my own clothing tag sewn in 🥰⁠⠀
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Definitely have some changes I'd like to make for the next (cotton poplin) version of this I plan to make, including skipping the zipper altogether and potentially reshaping the side seams a bit. ⁠⠀
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I've linked the source of the pattern over in my profile if you want to take a look at the original. ⁠⠀
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If you're already planning your 2021 projects, let me know down below what you've got up your sleeve!⁠⠀
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TFW my 2020 Top 9 is more than 50% photos I took i TFW my 2020 Top 9 is more than 50% photos I took in previous years 😉⁠
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Actually, it makes a lot of sense just due to the nature of my time on Insta and the insanity of the last 12 months. ⁠
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If you're checking out my Stories (because, of course you are..!) you know that I'm currently setting up my new studio space. It features a large work table, lots of light, and lots of room for sewing up a storm. Without the gaps in my sewing output (ew), there wouldn't have been opportunity for a studio. ⁠
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So, here's to 2021 and my next Top 9, where I hope to see photos that are not on this grid 🤣⁠
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Saying good bye to 2020, closing the door on this Saying good bye to 2020, closing the door on this chapter with a BANG! ⠀
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Final photo of @josecarlosvivanco and I at Casa Castro. Unseen in this photo were the tears in my eyes. While they were sad I’m *so* happy for the next chapter in our new home in a new part of town.⠀
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We’ve all had a rough go of things this year and it goes without saying that we’re all looking forward to hope. Hope for financial security or new jobs, hope that our loved ones who are sick or who have crossed to the other side are at peace, and hope that we can be together again feeling beautiful sunlight on faces without masks.⠀
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Today San Francisco’s lockdown order has been updated to “Indefinitely” and while I’m struggling with it, I’m still stepping into 2021 with goals and plans (and hopefully with a cocktail in hand, @mandooooo )⠀
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Sending all my love to you wherever you are!⠀
What's ESSENTIAL in your sewing room? 🤔⁠ ⁠ What's ESSENTIAL in your sewing room? 🤔⁠
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If you're watching my Insta Stories (which I'm sure you are!) you've seen that I'm currently in the process of moving to a new apartment 📦⁠
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Which means... I finally have a studio to sew in! But that also means... I need to figure out how I want my studio to be set up 😍⁠
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No doubt, I'm excited to finally have a place dedicated to making, a place to spread out, and a place to really focus on sewing garments and filming content again 🥺⁠
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BUT. I have to know! If you're fortunate to have a sewing room, what do you consider essential in your space?⁠
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Is it wall pegs to hang up your tools?⁠
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HELLO! It's time to introduce myself to all you ne HELLO! It's time to introduce myself to all you new Vintagettes ✨⁠(it's been a minute, hasn't it?!)⁠
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My name is Bianca, I'm 34 years old, and a California girl through and through 🏖 I inspire people to sew, to feel comfortable and confident in their bodies, and am an avid lover of tiki culture and #VintageStyleNotVintageValues ✊🏻⁠
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🙋🏻‍♀️ I'm a first generation Mexican/Puerto Rican, bisexual, work in Silicon Valley, and value diversity in every space-  especially in tech and in the vintage sewing community. ⁠
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👗 I believe everyone should feel empowered to create clothing with their own hands and to diminish the effects of fast fashion on the environment. I also believe that there's value and pride in beautifully constructing something that's uniquely yours. ⁠
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✨ I run a YouTube channel where I teach people sewing techniques to try at home, because sewing should be accessible to everyone and everyone should be encouraged to try. ⁠
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Please drop me a note down in the comments-- I would love to meet you and learn more about you and where you're at in your sewing adventures 💖⁠
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(Thank you @missyamelart for the gorgeous illustration! #ShopLatinx and hit her up if you want your own beautiful digital portrait!) ⁠
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Silver linings today:⁠⠀
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✨ Virtual "camp" with my company. So surprisingly fun and positive, so much laughter⁠⠀
✨ Knowing what I'm going to sew next (...from the muslin in this photo!)⁠⠀
✨ Almost the weekend⁠⠀
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The list of crap gets getting longer, it seems, but chugging along, trying to read the news less, be more intentional as to how I'm using my mental energy, and set boundaries against my own worry and sadness 🔥⁠⠀
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At least I can say that after 2020, I'll be so resilient that you can hit me with a stick and I'll still be standing 🌴⁠⠀
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Swipe for @millennialloteria's amazing artwork, speaking to my soul 🙃 (except for the TikTok part- I like TikTok 😎)⁠⠀
Marigolds are called "Cempasúchil" in Nahuatl, on Marigolds are called "Cempasúchil" in Nahuatl, one of the Indigenous languages in Mexico. It's a flower to honor and celebrate those who've passed in a custom that goes as far back as the Aztecs 🐯 ⁠⠀
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The meaning comes from a place of love, the sun, and of the relationship between those who've passed and those who are still living 🌞⁠⠀
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I chose the motif to make a small embroidered memorial piece for Albondiga, who passed away last month. There are still plenty of days where I get teary eyed when I think of her; I won't lie and say it isn't tough.⁠⠀
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It's very easy to say, "It was just a CAT!" but real talk, I went through that existential crisis about Life, Death, and The Universe (42.) ⁠⠀
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I miss her terribly, but I'm thankful I could work through mourning her by creating a piece of art in her memory. ⁠⠀
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Hold your fur babies close, y'all. ⁠⠀
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And to those of you who've had theirs recently passed (I know of a couple of you 💖), sending all my love.⁠⠀
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#diadelosmuertos #Cempasúchil #flordemuertos #mexicanart #ofrenda
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