Category: Self Esteem

  • Two can play that (Comparison) Game

    Two can play that (Comparison) Game

    After too many hours, the shimmery blue fabric pinned to my body amounted to a potato sack that looked nothing like what I saw online.

    Standing in front of my sewing room mirror, my brain was ready to start the comparison game.

    Would the blue dress even fit? Would it rip down the back when I sat down? Why did it highlight my gut like that? Why was it twisting that way? How many hours had I spent on it?

    Text message screenshot between two people. Conversation on the screen discusses challenges with sewing a dress.

    I snapped a quick pic to send to my best friend Fernando, part of the wardrobe team for a touring Broadway show: “I don’t think this dress is going to make it.”

    After a moment, the side eye emoji I got back was pretty on brand; he was disappointed. His motto is the familiar RuPaul refrain, You Better Work.

    And this dress was decidedly not working. As a YouTuber who focuses on vintage clothing, this was just about rock bottom.

    Like all chronically online people these days, dealing with disappointment is a good excuse to self soothe with the internet.

    I opened up Instagram to start scrolling for a dopamine fix.

    On cue, the recommendations algorithm pulled up a beautiful true-vintage dress, on sale via DM for $150, 32” inch waist. Another swipe to a beautifully staged photoshoot at a tiki bar, complete with flamingos, fake orchids, and Alfred Shaheen.

    A look back at the mirror confirms I don’t look like these photos at all. I remember the whistleblower story about how Meta can mess with teenage girls’ self esteem just by the images it serves. I feel the sinking in my stomach; approaching 40, the same effect can happen to me, too. That good ol’ comparison game.

    Defiance bubbles up.

    Maybe if I practiced more Self Love I wouldn’t feel this way? Caring about how I look is vain and childish. I should be focused on being mindful, focused on living in the moment.

    “Who cares about what other people think, it’s all about what I think. Be confident.

    Doesn’t Jose say he’ll love me just the same if I’m dolled up in full pinup or proudly in my sweatpants?

    I thought, “Enough!” and I swiftly deleted Instagram off my phone.

    I wish I could say that the concern about my appearance was a new thing, with the comparison game playing a big role in my self esteem.

    Scanned image from the magazine Gothic and Lolita Bible, volume 8. Cover features an illustration and various small images of magazine features. Japanese text overlay.
    Scanned cover images from the Japanese fashion magazine Fruits. Two covers are on the image, with both covers featuring different street style looks. Japanese text overlaid on the images.

    In the early 2000s I discovered Japanese street style and Elegant Gothic Lolita (EGL) as a senior in high school. I was obsessed.

    The “aesthetic” was ruffles, lace, ribbons and bows inspired by Rococo, all adding up to a style that was so different from the Western clothes I had access to. The outfits I saw in Fruits Magazine and The Gothic Lolita Bible felt like home and I was desperate to look like the people I saw in the photos.

    Using my retail pennies from my first job, I got busy saving, buying second hand Baby the Stars Shine Bright accessories and knockoff Vivienne Westwood rocking horse shoes, trying to perfect the look.

    Scanned image from the Gothic and Lolita Bible, with Japanese text describing new dresses from the brand Baby the Stars Shine Bright. The dresses are various shades of red and white.

    Reality hit when I bought my first $400 dress: it didn’t fit.

    It was designed for Japanese standard sizes which my curves wouldn’t conform to, forcing me to lay on my back to even stand a fighting chance at the zipper.

    Soon, it became routine to go to EGL meet ups, wearing my ill fitting dresses and sit amongst petite women, each fitting their imported dresses beautifully.

    Everyone else wore the latest outfits with complete sets of matching headpieces, accessories, dresses, purses, shoes, and frilly knee high socks. All while I couldn’t walk, breathe, or eat comfortably in the chair next to them, with my breasts bound to my chest to squeeze into what I’d worn.

    I wanted to be there so badly that I actively tried to suppress that the experience was actually a nightmare.

    After a particularly long and difficult meet up surrounded by people dressed in head-to-toe ribbons, I hit rock bottom.

    Physically squeezed, exhausted, and climbing out of my car, I heard a distinct POP of the zipper on my gothic lolita dress.

    Female wearing a bow on her head, sunglasses, a black sweater and red and pink dress. She poses with one hand on her hip and a peace sign.
    The fateful dress

    The side seam burst open, exposing me between my armpit and my hip, with my curves winning against the seams.

    My humiliation was bottomless.

    I knew I couldn’t keep doing this: being so physically uncomfortable in my clothes that they not only made it impossible to breathe, but made me a walking wardrobe malfunction. I knew I couldn’t keep showing up to these meet ups feeling less than every one else, self conscious of not having the full look, and shrinking away from my own body’s curves. I couldn’t keep playing the comparison game with my friends about clothes this way.

    I made the decision to give up the EGL street style, choosing to search for an aesthetic that would make me feel happy and comfortable.

    It was easy transition when I discovered that Vintage 40s/50s and Pinup fashions were more flattering to my body and close enough to the feminine aesthetic I loved.

    I embraced the new style and immediately felt better.

    Women standing in a group wearing evening wear.

    Similar to the Japanese Street Style community in the United States, the vintage scene is vibrant and beautiful.

    Events like Viva Las Vegas bring people together, with Friday night of the Weekender being an opportunity to go all out. All year, attendees source the most rare, one-of-a-kind pieces to wear for an opportunity to see and be seen. This year was no different.

    Within the sounds and lights of the slot machines, every woman in my line of sight is dressed to the nines, with full hair and makeup, luscious sequin dresses, and vintage 40s Lucite handbags. Men wear sharp true-vintage 40s and 50s suits with matching hats. In some cases, couples wear matching outfits, purposefully coordinating to signal their shared love of the style.

    It’s modern day peacocking and the comparison game is strong.

    But amongst the beautiful people, Jose and I are not dressed up like them. And amongst the crowd, we stand out like a sore thumb.

    I mentally remind myself, “I don’t care about what other people think!” as we move through the evening events, wandering from ball room to ball room to watch live music, drink champagne, and people watch. But I keep thinking longingly of the blue dress I couldn’t make fit.

    On Viva’s second night, I wore a 40s casual daytime look: a simple skirt and peasant top I’d worn since 9 AM, limp from the Vegas dust outside. My makeup was worn out, my hair unkempt. Jose, as someone decidedly NOT into the vintage scene, settled in his usual jeans and t-shirt with matching Air Jordans.

    Two people pose close to the camera, holding a bottle of wine.

    I reminded myself to be present, not play the comparison game, focus on the fun evening and prioritize laughter and dancing. We even won a bottle of wine!

    Yet, the sinking feeling grew through the night.

    We passed the Glamour Ball, with its women wearing velvet, silk, and shimmering 40s and 50s dresses, opera length gloves, and beautiful hair flowers. The women stood in groups by the entrance to the ballroom, fixing each other’s hair; wafts of expensive perfume encircling them.

    Woman walking in a red dress, hands on her hips.

    I repeat, “Be in the Moment,” silently to myself, pulling my shoulders back as I walk by with my straw daytime bag and dusty sandals. Jose squeezes my hand, watching me from the corner of his eye. His shoulder is bumped by a man wearing a pristine 40s wool suit, who quickly apologizes.

    Over the next several hours, the sinking feeling turns into a pang when I step out of the bathroom stall in the Women’s room, where a line of beautiful women carefully powder their nose and tend to their red lipstick in the mirror.

    My heart beats hard in my chest, trying to ignore my regret, sadness, and humiliation at my bare bones clothes.

    “You’re just here to have fun, it doesn’t matter that you’re not dressed up,” I repeat again and again, washing my hands quickly under the warm water.

    Jose stands outside in the line of impeccably dressed men waiting for their partners, his hand outstretched to meet me and pull me close to him.

    “Do you mind if we go back to the room for the night?” he asks quietly.

    I exhale, “Sure, ya- it’s getting late,” looking forward to the relief from battling my self consciousness, of having been strong against my insecurities.

    I’d won the battle, I had kept my head up high, had stayed present and in the moment even when it was painfully hard.

    We made our way to the elevators, away from the bustling crowd, the champagne and beer, and laughter of partying.

    Waiting for the elevator doors to open, Jose squeezes my hand. I look at his face in profile. He gazes straight ahead at the elevator just beginning to open.

    The ding of the door as it signals us.

    “Next time let’s try and dress up.” A pause before he looks over to me, “I didn’t feel good about myself out there. I don’t want to feel that way again.”

    I nod, in quiet understanding and no words to say.

    Turns out you can’t will yourself out of your feelings.


  • Gratefulness as a Sewing Blogger

    Gratefulness as a Sewing Blogger

    Last year I was’t in a good place. The blog was growing. YouTube videos were coming out (relatively) frequently. Things were moving and shaking— and in the blogging world, momentum is everything.Learn about the behind the scenes of Vintage on Tap sewing blog | Vintage on Tap

    But in the middle of June, after creating some of my most popular content and working on amazing collaborations, it all fell apart.

    Anxiety over job security, home/life balance, and life in general came over my head like a wave. Over the course of six months I gained nearly twenty pounds, retreated into a depressed state, and there would be weeks at a time when I wouldn’t leave my house in agoraphobia.

    I dissolved from a vibrant excited person, to a girl who would cry during her lunch breaks. I’d binge eat at lunch, then proceed to starve myself the rest of the day.

    Typing my sewing website url was painful. Launching the Instagram app to see the compounding effects of my absence made it worse. YouTube? Forget about it. Everything I had built as a sewing blogger was coming apart.

    The comments from followers were upbeat and encouraging, but I couldn’t emotionally link the positive energy being sent, to the creativity and love that had sparked the blog in the first place. Everything was hard. Sewing became difficult. And I stopped.

    Learn how to sew with tutorials by Vintage on Tap, which walk you through the entire sewing process! | Vintage on Tap

    By the time December came about, I made a conscious decision to figure out how to pull the veil from over my head.

    It wasn’t (ISN’T) easy, and every ounce of my being was fighting the decision. But slowly, day by day, I arrived at this post.

    Making the effort to be mindful of my thoughts, my actions, and feelings ended up being my salvation. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve been able to follow that journey. And now, I wake up grateful and thankful for what I have, for what Jose and I have built together, and for the creativity that’s flourishing back into this blog and into my sewing.

    More appreciative and full of gratitude as a sewing blogger than I was during my depression | Vintage on Tap

    Through a lot of trial and error, I decided to spend time developing a meditation practice (shoutout to Andy Puddicombe and the Headspace App!), a morning routine, and a journaling and gratitude practice.

    It felt “extra”- as if I was trying too hard, but I stuck with it, even if everything else was falling apart.

    • I meditated for 15 minutes a day, consistently for months
    • I read books focused on building self compassion, being patient with the creative process, and decluttering
    • I woke up at 5am (even on weekends) to give my mind time to breathe and establish a morning routine
    • I made it a point to journal, even if it was just one paragraph to describe what I was feeling
    • I made a list of 5 things every day that I was grateful for
    • I pulled a tarot card daily to have a positive perspective to look forward to

    Of course, the above actions might not resonate with everyone, and everyone’s experience will vary. But for me, it helped. And still does. Please reach out to friends, family, and medical professionals if you are experiencing anything similar to what I went through. To be honest, I wish I would have reached out earlier in the middle of it. 

    Back view of the Seamwork Camden cape | Vintage on Tap

    Months and months later, I still start my journal entries with, “I’m grateful for…”

    …And write at least two lines that range from, “The warm cup of coffee in my hands,” to “The nice comment someone sent me through email.” My meditation is now focused on Motivation, Self Esteem, and Mental Focus. Rather than continuing to isolate myself, I make an active attempt to share more of what I’m experiencing with friends, families, and followers. I make it a point to see a friend at least once a week to catch up. I’ve stopped beating myself up if a sewing blog post doesn’t go live.

    I relied heavily on routine to help quiet my mind from chaos and a year latter I can confidently say that it’s what I needed to rediscover the path back to joy and happiness. Especially when it comes to Vintage on Tap and my sewing.

    How meditation and gratitude helps with depression | Vintage on Tap

    Without giving my mind time to breathe, this blog and the YouTube channel would have crashed and burned.

    With a strong morning routine, quieting my anxiety through meditation, and finding a healthy work/life balance, I’ve been able to claw back towards a better mental state. And I feel strong enough to continue creating fun videos and projects to share, and have genuine conversations and connections with people who watch the channel.

    Heck, without putting in the work, I wouldn’t be able to sit down to watch a classic movie with anticipation and excitement, to admire all the beautiful clothes and to be inspired to create.

    I’m immensely grateful and thankful for those of you who continue to watch my sewing YouTube videos, who stuck around with me during my absence and through my mere TWELVE videos that have been released in 2018.

    How meditation and gratitude helps with depression | Vintage on Tap Pinup Sewing Blog

    I’m grateful to be a sewing blogger who has so much support behind her and the love of so many people around the world. It blows my mind that people take time out of their day to watch and sew with me. I’m thankful.

    I’m excited for the new people who’ve discovered me in the past year. I’m ever indebted to the Patreon supporters who still continue to cheer for me.

    An entire year of mental health battles has absolutely been a journey. But I’m thankful and grateful to how mindfulness has taught me to appreciate the building blocks that make my life. It’s also made me more aware to the support from friends, family, and followers who has been unshakable through the year.

    Here’s to a great November, full of happiness, meditation, and sewing love!

    Resources

    If you or someone you know is going through depression, please seek help from family, friends, and medical or spiritual professionals. What worked for me may not work for everyone! 

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  • The Real Reason I haven’t Sewn Pants

    The Real Reason I haven’t Sewn Pants

    There are several reasons why I've never sewn a pair of jeans. Learn why, and see what I'm doing to change that! | Vintage on Tap sewing blog

    If sewing pants were easy, everyone would be doing it.

    At least, that’s what I tell myself:

    “One day I’ll get to it.”

    “I just need to lose a little bit of weight first.”

    “Once I watch that Craftsy class, I’ll jump right in.”

    I wish I could say that those excuses were not my own. But they are- and they’re ones that have compelled me to inaction for a while. They’ve caused me to continue kicking the sewing-pants-thing down the road another week, another month, another year.

    And even though I know it would be one of the proudest garments I’ve ever made as a seamstress, sewing pants terrifies me more than sewing my own wedding dress.

    The thing is, I know I’m not alone in my feeling about sewing pants.

    There are hundreds, if not thousands of other seamstresses out there who want so much to be able to have ONE GOOD pair of pants that fit them perfectly. Especially if they, like me, have spent countless hours wandering department stores, hoping that maybe that next pair of bottoms will be the one.

    Sewing pants can be a terrifying experience, but you are not alone in that fear! | Vintage on Tap sewing blog

    I’m short: 5’2″.

    I have a short torso, and longer legs. I have a low belly. I like a high rise and a skinny leg. I prefer stretch denim and I’ve never owned a pair of trousers where I liked the fit, so I can’t even say I have a favorite pants material to work with.

    As someone who strives very much to wear clothing I’m proud of, it’s a rare thing to wear a pair of pants that I can say, “I love those!”

    The jeans I’m wearing in these photos is a pair of Levi’s Mile High Super Skinny jeans, which I’ve bought at least ten pairs of, because they’re the only jeans I’ve bought in years that fit decently and I sort of like.

    It is absolutely demoralizing to think of all the reasons I’ve used to talk myself out of sewing my own pants. And again, I know I’m not alone in this.

    Learning how to fit and measure your own pair of pants can be intimidating. Learn my reasons why I haven't done it, and what I'm doing to change that. | Vintage on Tap

    What stops me- or rather- US– from sewing pants?

    I’ve come to terms with my excuses:

    • I don’t know how to measure my lower body for more than a skirt.
    • I don’t know the slightest thing about fitting my low belly.
    • I don’t know how to accommodate my bigger bootie.
    • I don’t know how to taper the thigh-to-knee area for my chicken legs.
    • What if my pants split because I didn’t work out the ease right?
    • What if I get a camel-toe? How do I fix that?

    This is one of those moments when the solution is sometimes right on the tip of the nose: just do the research. And I know how to do that. I know how to pour over books, articles, read reviews, watch tutorials. It’s how I built my entire sewing technique library. I did the research, I learned, I practiced, and I became an expert at what I love to do.

    But for some reason, it seems like an insurmountable uphill battle when it comes to pants. 

    The Real Reason I haven't sewn pants | Vintage on Tap sewing blog

    My lack of PANTS sewing and fitting experience took me time to come to grips with.

    I’ve been honest about my battle with depression, my fears of being a sewing vlogger, and my size fluctuation via my Instagram and YouTube accounts.

    The outpouring of support about these various topics is 100% real, and I wouldn’t trade my audience for the world.

    View this post on Instagram

    A post shared by Bianca / Retro Sewing Vlogger (@vintageontap) on

    So I continue to share with you my experience: I’m terrified of fitting myself for pants. And I know I can learn, but that doesn’t make the fear any less real.

    Do you have a particular garment that you haven’t made– because of fear?

    Is it a specific pattern? Garment type? Is it a specific type of fabric you have been avoiding like the plague?

    Being honest about what we’re shrinking away from, I think, is the first step towards actually taking those steps towards overcoming hesitations.

    There’s vulnerability in that. But also an opportunity to connect with the sewing community and with the resources, help, and support to make those garments happen.

    I’m challenging myself to make my first pair of pants in 2018.

    The year is nearly done, but there’s still time to make myself a pair of corduroy or wool high waisted, 40s pants. On to the adventure!

    The Real Reason I haven't sewn pants | Vintage on Tap sewing blog

    Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links :)

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  • 3 Reasons Why Sewing Increases your Self Esteem

    3 Reasons Why Sewing Increases your Self Esteem

    I’m a firm believer in self care.

    Whether it’d be meditation, taking care of your health, spending time with friends, or even simple pampering. Sewing, though, is on another level and I can’t recommend it enough for strengthening those self care muscles. To me, sewing increases self esteem.

    Sewing Improves your Self Esteem. Learn my top 3 reasons why. | Vintage on Tap

    In this post, I’ll be outlining how sewing has helped me when I’m feeling blue, and helped me through those tough times.

    Of course, if needed please consult your medical professionals. This post discusses the small daily things that might have given me a positive boost and might be helpful for you!

    Sewing Improves your Self Esteem- blog post for my top 3 reasons why! | Vintage on Tap

    It’s extremely easy to fall into a negative self esteem rut.

    Whether it’s by feeling out of place in your own skin, life is just a pain in the butt, or even just the simple feeling of… blah. (Seriously, even just “blah.”)

    In 2017 I went on a snowball journey of depression, and then the compounding effects of…

    1. Negative self image when trying on clothes at the store (and feeling out of place in my own body)
    2. Finding the same fitting problems over and over again (again, feeling like crap about myself at any opportunity)
    3. Having the feeling that I couldn’t control my self image

    Eventually I found my way back to sewing, reminding myself of what I loved about it- and what it brought into my life that filled my heart with joy. I knew that by going back to it and with time, sewing would increase my self esteem.

    Sewing Improves Self Esteem by allowing you to view your measurements in an objective way | Vintage on Tap

    The first reason sewing increases self esteem is by allowing you to observe your measurements in an actionable way.

    When you’re feeling down, observing your body and measurements is hard. But as I’ve spoken about in a previous vlog, your measurements are points of information- and information is power. (Click to Watch: Weight-loss and Sewing Self Esteem)

    By knowing your measurements and writing them down, you’re able to positively focus your attention on the action of pattern drafting.

    When you take physical action on them- whether its learning how to mold a piece of fabric or picking out the right amount of fabric to buy- you’re able to emotionally “remove” yourself from the closeness of The Numbers.

    The numbers can be terrifying- and in 2017, they grew like crazy. But, learning new skills through sewing made those numbers a little less scary- a little less upsetting. I felt like I could harness them into something beautiful through sewing.

    Sewing a Pinup Bathing Suit, McCalls 7168 | @vintageontap

    The most perfect example, was when I sewed a two piece bathing suit for the first time, shame about my measurements: be damned! (Click to Watch: Sewing a Bathing Suit video tutorial)

    The second reason sewing increases self esteem is that it focuses your attention when the going gets tough.

    Sewing gives you a goal to work towards as a distraction when life may be chaotic, focusing on bringing together both creativity and engineering. Cutting fabric, sculpting a dart, hand sewing a hem- all of those skills require intense focus and attention, and can sometimes be a welcome relief to life.

    An example of this was when I made a linen version of a shirt dress, totally off season, but because I emotionally needed to.

    The fabric for this dress sat on my sewing table for months. Literally- months. But when I knew I was feeling helpless, without focus, listless, BLAH– I picked up the fabric, and got to work. Five minutes, ten minutes, thirty minutes a day until it was done.

    Sewing that dress gave me something to commit to daily, until I got back into a regular routine and back into the flow of living.

    Making something for yourself instills pride | Vintage on Tap

    The third reason I believe sewing increases self esteem, is that when you complete a garment, it instills pride.

    Whether or not the project turns out perfectly, investing time and energy into something you make yourself gives you a sense of pride… because You Made It.

    How to sew vintage, tutorials and tips for handmade clothing | Vintage on Tap

    Being able to go through the beginning, middle, and end of a project gives you the Very Real Feeling of… Look how far I’ve come.

    It’s an extremely powerful experience to be able to see that you’re making progress, on something, ANYTHING, when you’re not feeling your best.

    While we’re not all powerful, and can’t control our entire lives, creative projects we spend our time on is something we can hold close to our heart. Being able to run your hand over all the handmade garments in your closet, hung up in a row, gives the sense that there is progression and movement.

    This applies even when a project doesn’t work out.

    Butterick B5814, Cocktail Dress, sunny day on the rooftop of the Fairmont in San Francisco | @vintageontap

    A perfect example of this was a cocktail dress I made years ago, which brought me nothing but blood, sweat, and tears! (Click to Watch: Cocktail Dress tutorial video) I worked on it for days, and sat behind my sewing machine crying more than once. In the end, even though it didn’t work out, I still felt pride that I had FINISHED.

    That finish line was everything.

    Sewing increased my self esteem through the journey- because the feeling of completion made me feel like my time, effort, and energy was worth it. And I learned so much- nothing was lost.

    Sewing Improves Self Esteem | Vintage on Tap

    Finding little “hacks” to positively look at yourself, even if you’re initially faking it, goes a long way in improving your happiness.

    Of course, if you’re in the need of help from friends, family, spiritual leaders, or from the medical establishment, definitely do that as well. But for those little Pick-Me-Ups, sewing has helped me immensely.

    Sewing Can Improve your Self Esteem, create projects you love | Vintage on Tap

    Please let me know in the comments how sewing has improved your self esteem.

    You can also tag me on Instagram, @vintageontap with photos of the garments you’ve made that really boosted your self esteem and let me know what about them really helped. I’ll be sharing some of your responses on my Instagram Stories.

    Vintage on Tap Instagram page | Vintage on Tap

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    3 Reasons Sewing Improves your Self Esteem | Vintage on Tap


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  • Vlog: Weight and Sewing Self Esteem

    Vlog: Weight and Sewing Self Esteem

    At this point, I’ve hit on weight and sewing self esteem three times already.

    This time, I figured it was time for an intimate conversation about my feelings in video. (My previous posts about this topic can be found here)

    Talking about weight loss and weight gain in relation to your hobby and craft is really something that can be dissected into a million different pieces.

    Where to start?

    What to cover?

    How deep to dive in?

    How am *I* even handling it?

    The topic is huge and there have been a million books written about weight loss (and gain.) Likewise, there are a million books written about self esteem and self worth. Bringing the two together into a positive learning opportunity, though?

    For the purposes of this sewing blog post, I define Sewing Self Esteem as how you view the clothes you make through your craft and love of sewing– how you perceive the fit, how you perceive how they are worn through your lifestyle. 

    Vintage Simplicity 1460 peplum blouse, sipping away at a cocktail and enjoying a day off | @vintageontap

    The only person I can speak for is myself.

    As I say in a disclaimer in the video, I’m only comfortable to speak for myself about this topic. I only speak from my experiences and from how I perceive my weight loss and how that’s hitting me in relation to my craft. Of course, I want to be mindful not to offend anyone or say anything that is perceived as nasty or out of line– but I can only speak for my journey and the path.

    My Weight Sewing Self Esteem took a hit when nothing in my closet fit.

    Essentially it came down to this:

    I spent hours and hours on a piece- time, effort, money. But, its either too big or too small. And not just by a little bit. But a lot.

    Sitting at the Legion of Honor in San Francisco, Colette Rue Dress | @vintageontap

    Even though I felt fantastic about myself as a person- confident in my body, I felt very physically ill.

    And this is really the kicker.

    Loving myself and my body didn’t make the physical health feel any better. I couldn’t sleep, was always tired, and had (still do!) high blood pressure. But the weight I had gained didn’t stop me from wanting to explore my sewing craft- to perfect my skills as a seamstress- and to keep working on what I loved.

    Ultimately, I refused to let myself take a Sewing Self Esteem hit.

    Every time we sew, we have an opportunity to learn, to grow, to explore sewing. As our weight fluctuates (and it probably will)– rather than feeling sad about the change, its a moment to reflect on how amazing our bodies are and how awesome it is that we get to dress them up however we want.

    My takeaway from my experience is… fabric comes and goes. Understanding that and understanding that our weight on the scale and size on the measuring tape do not define who we are- let alone who we are as seamstresses and dressmakers is VITAL.

    Never let your weight stop you from sewing. Even if in 6 months your measurements change, that change won’t take away the practice, time, care, and skills you learned from the experience of making. And as seamstresses, we get to savor that like no one else does.

    Sewing for the Retro Tiki Collab, Butterick B6354 | @vintageontap

    Are you experiencing weight fluctuations? Has that stopped you from sewing? Why?


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  • Weightloss as a Seamstress, Revisted

    Weightloss as a Seamstress, Revisted

    It’s been about 1 year since I last wrote about weightloss as a seamstress. 

    What inspired me to write the post initially was that I was trying to find healthy coping mechanisms for my own weight gain. I was trying to understand what that meant for me and my projects– and how to cope in a body positive way.

    Since last year’s post, I’ve gained even more weight- and again, that’s ok. There’s no reason to shame myself for having done so; its natural and happens. What has also changed since last year is that my sewing hours have ramped up and I produce a new garment every couple weeks. The weight gain has not stopped me from taking on projects that are form fitting or that expose a little bit of tummy. Seriously, I made a swimsuit this year and posed for photos in it. I can still pose and be fierce, even with the extra pounds packed on.

    Full disclosure, my best body-affirmation doesn’t come from fashion magazines or traditional media- it actually comes from drag queens. One of my favorite aspects of drag culture is that it encourages you to love yourself at any size and rewards those who can step out of their shell and really “feel the fantasy” (see Drag Race, etc.) Of course even having been a fan of the culture for years still means I have a lot to learn. But that doesn’t mean I can’t channel that happiness and confidence when I’m in public, trying to pose for a photo for the blog, even with a little extra curve on my body.

    Rago Shapewear Girdle, Pinup Weightloss as a Seamstress | @vintageontap

    Being fierce at any size doesn’t mean I don’t want to be healthy, though. 

    I can candidly admit that I do have to lose weight. Not for vanity, but for health. I’ve officially reached my 30s and want to be mobile, healthy, and glowing, especially as this blog grows and grows. The added weight to my height isn’t helping my blood pressure and making steps to improve my longevity can always start now. Like wearing sunscreen.

    Looking back on old posts, there are things I’ve made that I can’t wear right now which really bums me out. All those clothes are sitting in my closet, waiting to be worn. Unfortunately, within the sewing community this part of sewing doesn’t ever get talked about, just swallowed silently as just another adjustment to make on a pattern piece. For all the effort that I made making my clothes, I want that invested energy to be enjoyed every day and not wasted.

    Focusing on weightloss as a seamstress for me means:

    • Feeling happy and confident in the clothes I make
    • Being able to know my body’s dimensions intimately for a better fitting garment
    • Reducing the amount of pattern blending that I’ve been having to do since my weight has increased

    I’ll probably still rock a waist cincher– it’s super pin up and vintage and I enjoy it. I love the silhouette it creates and the authenticity it gives my garments.  An additional challenge will be to flawlessly take in everything I’ve made over the past year.

    I’m ready to experience some weightloss as a seamstress and am actually really looking forward to it. Here’s to a healthy and happy year for me!


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