But in the middle of June, after creating some of my most popular content and working on amazing collaborations, it all fell apart.
Anxiety over job security, home/life balance, and life in general came over my head like a wave. Over the course of six months I gained nearly twenty pounds, retreated into a depressed state, and there would be weeks at a time when I wouldn’t leave my house in agoraphobia.
I dissolved from a vibrant excited person, to a girl who would cry during her lunch breaks. I’d binge eat at lunch, then proceed to starve myself the rest of the day.
Typing my sewing website url was painful. Launching the Instagram app to see the compounding effects of my absence made it worse. YouTube? Forget about it. Everything I had built as a sewing blogger was coming apart.
The comments from followers were upbeat and encouraging, but I couldn’t emotionally link the positive energy being sent, to the creativity and love that had sparked the blog in the first place. Everything was hard. Sewing became difficult. And I stopped.
By the time December came about, I made a conscious decision to figure out how to pull the veil from over my head.
It wasn’t (ISN’T) easy, and every ounce of my being was fighting the decision. But slowly, day by day, I arrived at this post.
Making the effort to be mindful of my thoughts, my actions, and feelings ended up being my salvation. If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve been able to follow that journey. And now, I wake up grateful and thankful for what I have, for what Jose and I have built together, and for the creativity that’s flourishing back into this blog and into my sewing.
Through a lot of trial and error, I decided to spend time developing a meditation practice (shoutout to Andy Puddicombe and the Headspace App!), a morning routine, and a journaling and gratitude practice.
It felt “extra”- as if I was trying too hard, but I stuck with it, even if everything else was falling apart.
- I meditated for 15 minutes a day, consistently for months
- I read books focused on building self compassion, being patient with the creative process, and decluttering
- I woke up at 5am (even on weekends) to give my mind time to breathe and establish a morning routine
- I made it a point to journal, even if it was just one paragraph to describe what I was feeling
- I made a list of 5 things every day that I was grateful for
- I pulled a tarot card daily to have a positive perspective to look forward to
Of course, the above actions might not resonate with everyone, and everyone’s experience will vary. But for me, it helped. And still does. Please reach out to friends, family, and medical professionals if you are experiencing anything similar to what I went through. To be honest, I wish I would have reached out earlier in the middle of it.
Months and months later, I still start my journal entries with, “I’m grateful for…”
…And write at least two lines that range from, “The warm cup of coffee in my hands,” to “The nice comment someone sent me through email.” My meditation is now focused on Motivation, Self Esteem, and Mental Focus. Rather than continuing to isolate myself, I make an active attempt to share more of what I’m experiencing with friends, families, and followers. I make it a point to see a friend at least once a week to catch up. I’ve stopped beating myself up if a sewing blog post doesn’t go live.
I relied heavily on routine to help quiet my mind from chaos and a year latter I can confidently say that it’s what I needed to rediscover the path back to joy and happiness. Especially when it comes to Vintage on Tap and my sewing.
Without giving my mind time to breathe, this blog and the YouTube channel would have crashed and burned.
With a strong morning routine, quieting my anxiety through meditation, and finding a healthy work/life balance, I’ve been able to claw back towards a better mental state. And I feel strong enough to continue creating fun videos and projects to share, and have genuine conversations and connections with people who watch the channel.
Heck, without putting in the work, I wouldn’t be able to sit down to watch a classic movie with anticipation and excitement, to admire all the beautiful clothes and to be inspired to create.
I’m immensely grateful and thankful for those of you who continue to watch my sewing YouTube videos, who stuck around with me during my absence and through my mere TWELVE videos that have been released in 2018.
I’m grateful to be a sewing blogger who has so much support behind her and the love of so many people around the world. It blows my mind that people take time out of their day to watch and sew with me. I’m thankful.
I’m excited for the new people who’ve discovered me in the past year. I’m ever indebted to the Patreon supporters who still continue to cheer for me.
An entire year of mental health battles has absolutely been a journey. But I’m thankful and grateful to how mindfulness has taught me to appreciate the building blocks that make my life. It’s also made me more aware to the support from friends, family, and followers who has been unshakable through the year.
Here’s to a great November, full of happiness, meditation, and sewing love!
Resources
- Meditation with the Headspace App.
- Developing a strong morning routine using the Miracle Morning book by Hal Elrod.
- Daily journaling. My favorite journal is a gridded plain notebook from Muji.
- Writing a list of five things I was grateful for daily
- Pulling a tarot card every day to write about for perspective. My favorite deck for this was the Marshmallow Marseille.